Almost done with morphine taper

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sybaritababy

sybaritababy

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Dec 11, 2016
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After months and months and months of steadily taking ~60-150 MME/day I've finally managed to reduce my dose almost completely in just a couple weeks, while working full time. The last two days I took ~4 + 3mg respectively of morphine PO, today I've taken 0. I obviously feel like crap but no overwhelming symptoms except a severe lack of energy. About to take my second shower of the day and drink some orange juice.

I had reduced my intake expenses from ~$150/day (not sustainable for me) to ~$10-30 (very easily sustainable for me) and got stuck at that dose for a while. I'm close to getting a promotion at work though and I have potential romantic interests and I want to save that extra $20/day so I can travel to places like Japan without being chained to a stupid little pill.

I had 30x 30mg morphine when I started tapering, I should have 20 left when I complete this taper this week. At this point I'm just taking smaller and smaller pieces of one last pill throughout the week as needed, then sunday-tuesday i'm going out to the desert and not taking any with me. I have kratom in case i need it for work on wednesday but i think i'll be fine.

next order of business is tapering off the clonazepam i've been using to counter morphine induced insomnia and stopping with disposable nicotine vapes.
 
What a good job you're doing!! Well done! That's something I would want to do, especially if I had to move or wanted to move. Who knows if I could ever find a Dr. somewhere else that would precribe for me. Anyway, keep on keeping on! Peace :flower:
 
Thanks y'all. Going to sleep now feeling relatively very good after working all night. I have tomorrow off (day 3) so I'm sure by Friday I'll pretty much be past any noticeable symptoms aside from fatigue. Considering taking very small amounts of amphetamine (~2.5mg) to get me through these weekend shifts, then with any luck i should have two full days with friends at a luxurious desert retreat after the weekend. Depending on how I'm feeling I'll probably eat ~1-2g of shrooms in the desert to really flush my body and mind. I already feel less attached to the nicotine and clonazepam as those habits were really tied to my opioid dependence this time around. Can't believe I'm putting myself through all this again for the umpteenth time but I know I can do it. Now comes the hard part of not just falling right back into it, although I feel more purpose now than I have for the last couple years and that's really my biggest issue I think.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Just posting to share my thoughts and hopefully inspire someone else to shake themselves out of complacency.
 
sybaritababy said:
Thanks y'all. Going to sleep now feeling relatively very good after working all night. I have tomorrow off (day 3) so I'm sure by Friday I'll pretty much be past any noticeable symptoms aside from fatigue. Considering taking very small amounts of amphetamine (~2.5mg) to get me through these weekend shifts, then with any luck i should have two full days with friends at a luxurious desert retreat after the weekend. Depending on how I'm feeling I'll probably eat ~1-2g of shrooms in the desert to really flush my body and mind. I already feel less attached to the nicotine and clonazepam as those habits were really tied to my opioid dependence this time around. Can't believe I'm putting myself through all this again for the umpteenth time but I know I can do it. Now comes the hard part of not just falling right back into it, although I feel more purpose now than I have for the last couple years and that's really my biggest issue I think.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. Just posting to share my thoughts and hopefully inspire someone else to shake themselves out of complacency.
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I really appreciate you sharing this! It’s always inspiring to see someone handle their dependency successfully.

I do wonder how you deal with cravings most of all? That has historically been my greatest issue and why I don’t even try any longer. The work and discomfort it takes to physically abstain is such a challenge, but fighting craving is the worst.

I remember participating in 12 step programs where folks say their cravings never returned (maybe briefly in a crisis) but that has never been the case for me.

Anyway best of luck and feel free to keep reporting. It’s worthwhile to all of us, imho…👍
 
Thanks Jaders, I really don't know! I went something like 2+ years with 0 cravings whatsoever and then they came back overwhelmingly out of the blue and got me. i think a big part of my success that time was moving and starting a new job. I should be getting a good little promotion soon so I'm planning to focus a lot on getting that.

This time around I've had horrible morphine induced insomnia and anorexia so I think remembering that will help. I'm also more stable now than when I initially relapsed this time around which I think will make a big difference. I really dk though, I'll keep y'all updated
 
Please use the clonazepam very sparingly. You're probably aware, but a benzo habit can be much worse than opioids IME. Good luck.
 
Kudos, it's not an easy thing to do a taper and hold a job. You're stronger than me.
 
You're doing brilliantly, well done. Kicking opiates (or any substance for that matter) is no joke and you should be incredibly proud of yourself.

One step at a time - for sure, quitting clonazepam and nicotine is important, but don't put yourself under too much pressure at once..and don't forget to celebrate all the wins along the way!
 
sybaritababy said:
Thanks Jaders, I really don't know! I went something like 2+ years with 0 cravings whatsoever and then they came back overwhelmingly out of the blue and got me. i think a big part of my success that time was moving and starting a new job. I should be getting a good little promotion soon so I'm planning to focus a lot on getting that.

This time around I've had horrible morphine induced insomnia and anorexia so I think remembering that will help. I'm also more stable now than when I initially relapsed this time around which I think will make a big difference. I really dk though, I'll keep y'all updated
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That has been my experience as well. I went like 2.5 years without (many moons ago) and thought boy I finally have this beat. And then just seemingly out of the blue the thoughts come back and despite doing everything I was “supposed to,” I finally gave in.

At my age I just don’t have it in me to put up that fight any longer but you’re much younger than me with a lot to gain. I wish you very well!!! 🙏❤️
 
jaders said:
sybaritababy said:
Thanks Jaders, I really don't know! I went something like 2+ years with 0 cravings whatsoever and then they came back overwhelmingly out of the blue and got me. i think a big part of my success that time was moving and starting a new job. I should be getting a good little promotion soon so I'm planning to focus a lot on getting that.

This time around I've had horrible morphine induced insomnia and anorexia so I think remembering that will help. I'm also more stable now than when I initially relapsed this time around which I think will make a big difference. I really dk though, I'll keep y'all updated
Click to expand...
That has been my experience as well. I went like 2.5 years without (many moons ago) and thought boy I finally have this beat. And then just seemingly out of the blue the thoughts come back and despite doing everything I was “supposed to,” I finally gave in.

At my age I just don’t have it in me to put up that fight any longer but you’re much younger than me with a lot to gain. I wish you very well!!! 🙏❤️
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I guess there's no real length of time where there's 0% chance of something knocking you off your feet. I dealt with cravings for my DOC for quite a few years before I had a bit of a wobble a few years ago. Haven't touched it since but there's always a risk, still think about it a couple of times a week at least.

An old sponsor of mine managed nearly two decades before a bereavement got him, thinking about it now actually I've even known addiction workers to be caught out by a significant life event, all sorts of people, some of which you'd never expect would've even had issues in the first place let alone relapse.

If there's something we're kicking then I guess we can never afford to be complacent... But gotta be mindful not to be too hard on ourselves if something does happen cause 1. That's prohibitive to getting things back under control, guilt is a shitty teacher and 2. The world is f***** so who could blame us anyway 🤣
 
Thanks again for the support guys. I've picked up and kicked habits with most classes of drugs over the last 20 years so I luckily feel very well versed and comfortable knowing what I can handle. I do appreciate the warnings, though. in the past i've had multiple grand mal seizures from benzo withdrawal so i'm extra careful with that but i've been taking 2-4mg daily along with the morphine so it's not like i'm swapping habits.

it's actually been about 130 hrs now since my last small dose of morphine. i had one cigarette at the end of my shift and didn't touch my vape. didn't even smoke weed until after work. now i just have to get through 2 opening bartending shifts, then i'm free for nearly 3 days to take shrooms in a hot tub in the mojave desert lol. the clonazepam taper will start when i return to work on wednesday and won't involve 1/10th of the suffering.

for someone with terrible anxiety i've surprisingly never felt much of an increase while discontinuing benzodiazepines, hence the multiple grand mal seizures. i would feel fine in a calm, normal situation and wake up in the hospital. so now i'm very, very careful about how i conduct my benzo tapers but it's not a painful or overly stressful thing.

it's just opioids, I can't compare the feeling of opioid withdrawal to that of any other substance, it's as if your entire life force and spirit are ripped from you. it is in fact quite a spiritual thing as you're flooded with emotions you've been avoiding, consciously or not. it takes such an immense summoning of strength from such a stagnant and resigned state, it feels almost miraculous to simply get through the day.

I can't say I won't use opioids ever again. I don't knock anyone for taking them. I do try to inspire and encourage us to not rely on them though. life is hard, taking back your life is hard.
 
@sybaritababy shrooms in a hot tub in the desert sounds like the PERFECT way to deal with cravings.

I'm being totally serious - having a much-reduced access to shrooms this year has made keeping sober much more difficult. It really does help a TON, even just once (but personally once-monthly trips kept me in good shape!)

Taking back your life from anything that controls you is incredibly hard, if it were easy everyone would do it. It takes a lot of courage to get to where you are right now, and you deserve a pat on the back.

But I've seen opioids destroy my friends completely, one of them changes his personality, one of them even lost their life from the long term complications (of pharmaceutical, non-injectable opioid abuse no less, so not even one of the higher risk groups of opi addicts) so fair effing play to you, I'm proud of you and I don't even know you yet lol
 
sybaritababy said:
little over 2 months now. i did have one dose of like 10mg morphine a week ago which was stupid but i don't feel too tempted to do it again.
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So how do you actually feel? Seems like it takes months to feel completely normal, but you're young...;)

Just being curious. It's really great that you're hanging in there! I'm sure it'll be worth it in the long run.
 
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