Trouble moving forward after losing a loved one

[HostToast]

My family and I recently lost someone very special, they were young and healthy and it was very sudden and devastating for all of us. I took all last week off work to make arrangements and be with family. I've been doing better at coping with everything the last few days but I'm having trouble returning to normal life, everything feels so difficult and overwhelming. No matter how much I sleep I'm still tired, when I'm working I find myself just staring at my computer doing nothing, simple tasks like making breakfast take twice as long as it usually would, just writing this post is hard.
Writing this I realize I'm just describing symptoms of depression which I've dealt with most my life but this feels different. I've dealt with loss before but its never impacted me this hard. I really need to be able to get back into some kind of routine, I know he'd want me to move on and not mourn the rest of my life away. I have a very supportive wife and close family members but I don't want to burden them with my problems. I have a therapist but they are going to be out of the office until mid November.
I realize I'm asking for answers to impossible questions but any advice on returning to normalcy in difficult times would be appreciated.

 

[jaders]

My family and I recently lost someone very special, they were young and healthy and it was very sudden and devastating for all of us. I took all last week off work to make arrangements and be with family. I've been doing better at coping with everything the last few days but I'm having trouble returning to normal life, everything feels so difficult and overwhelming. No matter how much I sleep I'm still tired, when I'm working I find myself just staring at my computer doing nothing, simple tasks like making breakfast take twice as long as it usually would, just writing this post is hard.
Writing this I realize I'm just describing symptoms of depression which I've dealt with most my life but this feels different. I've dealt with loss before but its never impacted me this hard. I really need to be able to get back into some kind of routine, I know he'd want me to move on and not mourn the rest of my life away. I have a very supportive wife and close family members but I don't want to burden them with my problems. I have a therapist but they are going to be out of the office until mid November.
I realize I'm asking for answers to impossible questions but any advice on returning to normalcy in difficult times would be appreciated.

I believe you might be describing PTSD actually. If I were you I’d be looking into some therapy that centers on PTSD or even read about some tools for dealing with it?

I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

 

[Blackbird123]

@HostToast , I am a big believer in 'fake it till you make it'. If you keep going through the motions of a regular day, eventually you will be doing it for real.

Exercise, even walking -- getting outside can be super helpful.

Also, journaling or sending yourself emails every morning. Writing for me has always had a most helpful effect. Somehow putting things in writing takes away their power or minimizes the impact of the emotions.

Finishing your shower with a blast of cold water can shock you and get your body/mind moving in a different way.

These are all things I try to do when I am drowning in depression which ofc is different than grief.

Maybe rethink opening up about your grief with your spouse or family. They may need to talk about it too.

Truly sorry for you and your family's loss. All deaths are hard of course but something about losing a young healthy loved one makes it even more painful.

 

[HostToast]

@jaders thanks, hadn't really considered ptsd but I'll look into it now. I have a very good relationship with my therapist but they're having a knee replacement and will be out for some time but I might email and see if she knows anyone to recommend until she's back in the office

@Blackbird123 my plan has been to power through but its much more slow going than I had hoped. I was able to force myself to spend the last 5 hours catching up on some of the work that piled up while I was absent which is more than I've done all week. I think I'm going finally take my wife up on the offer of trying yoga

Thank you both for your sympathies

 

[notcharlotte]

i'm sorry you lost a loved one @HostToast. it sounds like you do have a plan: to just keep going on. you're doing some work and easing back into things. that's all you can do. don't expect too much of yourself. i hope your therapist has a substitute as this would be the time for some help. i hope things get better soon.

 

[biglil54]

I am sorry to hear your news, grief will take its own time but hopefully time will help. I know this won't help bet you have been lucky to have had the love of someone rather than been surrounded by people who hate you and want to harm you everyday.
You sound like you are depressed but that is normal when you have lost someone. If you can sleep, that will help and try to eat even if you don't feel hungry and the body is getting what it needs. Your brain will get accustomed to the grief and hopefully things will get better for you. Don't put expectations on your self either.

 

[BigMan23]

@HostToast First and foremost my absolute condolences at this troubled time for you friend. . I too, suffer from depression and when my Dsd died 4 years ago it took me weeks to get over and to start having a routine over again. My best advice would be to give yourself a break. Sounds like you lost somebody very special to you, and it's going to take a little while to grieve and that's ok, it's normal. Your family loves you, and they are going to be behind you all the way and you are not a burden to them. Stay on your medication and make sure you don't stop taking that If you take medication. Just focus on little things like taking care of yourself and your family, and if you need a little bit more time from work, give yourself a break. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and I know how it feels but you will get through this, one day at a time. It will get better, and you might need a little help medically because my Mom had to get a sedative when her Dad died. The pain of a loved one dying is like feeling empty, angry, sad; take some deep breaths, my prayers are with you and you will make it through my friend

 

[Blackbird123]

@HostToast thinking about you. How are you doing?

 

[blecher59]

My family and I recently lost someone very special, they were young and healthy and it was very sudden and devastating for all of us. I took all last week off work to make arrangements and be with family. I've been doing better at coping with everything the last few days but I'm having trouble returning to normal life, everything feels so difficult and overwhelming. No matter how much I sleep I'm still tired, when I'm working I find myself just staring at my computer doing nothing, simple tasks like making breakfast take twice as long as it usually would, just writing this post is hard.
Writing this I realize I'm just describing symptoms of depression which I've dealt with most my life but this feels different. I've dealt with loss before but its never impacted me this hard. I really need to be able to get back into some kind of routine, I know he'd want me to move on and not mourn the rest of my life away. I have a very supportive wife and close family members but I don't want to burden them with my problems. I have a therapist but they are going to be out of the office until mid November.
I realize I'm asking for answers to impossible questions but any advice on returning to normalcy in difficult times would be appreciated.

I’ve been there. It’s truly difficult to lose someone so close. While grieving is healthy in the long term, it sucks. Period! Talking to someone who has been through the same helped me. Group therapy is always helpful IMO. Just know it won’t be like this forever. My heart goes out to you!

 

[Skeletal_Wings]

I work with people who have recently lost someone, it's a large part of my job. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's never easy to loose someone, but the type of loss you described is the most difficult to handle.

One of the most difficult things about meeting with people who have experienced a loss, especially a sudden and tragic one, is that there's really only so much you can say or do. What would fix the pain is for the person to come back, and that's of course not going to happen.

Talking about it helps. There are bereavement support groups out there, both online and in person. Something to maybe look into. But what helps the most is time. I'm not going to say one day you'll wake up and everything will be all better, but the pain does get better with time. Be grateful for the time you had with this person, and realize they will always be with you in your memory. Carry your memory of them with you, and do things in your daily life that honor them. But there's no cure for the pain. But time will lessen it.

DON'T try to run away from the pain or numb it with drugs. That's what I did when my fiancee died of cancer a handful of years back. It may work in the short term, but a month or so later I still had the problem of a dead fiancee and best friend, and also the pain of a drug habit.

 

[HostToast]

Thanks to everyone who has been offering support and advice, I really do appreciate it.
Its been a little over a month now and there's still ups and downs and times where I just have to cry, but it has been gradually getting easier. Today has been much better than I would have thought it would be 30 days ago.
I've been trying to find more time to spend with my family, yesterday I met my cousin for lunch and talking has helped a bit as well as being able to meet with my therapist again. I've been able to start being productive again. Things like being able to do my job and take care of daily activities without getting completely lost in thought is a huge improvement.
I'm expecting the holidays to be difficult with an empty seat at the table, I'm very much looking forward to them being over already. At least I'll be with my family for it. The Mrs and I are going to take a short trip the day after Thanksgiving hopefully that will be a much needed break.